Dying in Deep River

by Ryan Patrick White

Each day was like a rolling nightmare. Where I can't escape the one before. Love is fleeting, but I just can't find my way out the door. I'm a ticket with a known destination. I'm going where I can't go wrong. My best intentions are decidedly conveyed through these songs. I've learned far too much today and I want to throw it all away. I've learned far too much today, to live the way that you'd say. Now if I was an older man, maybe I'd live the way that they can. I'm on far more borrowed time, and I want to see a friend of mine. So I'm gone tonight. Instead feeling so wrong, I've never felt so right. Each minute deep inside of this illusion. I left the greatest part of me behind. And now I'm frantically preserving every piece I can find. I've learned far too much today, and I want to give it all away. I'm on far more borrowed time, your enemy's a friend of mine.
Funeral 02:41
Is this in my head, is my cloak blood red? Because my fever killed me in my bed. Tapes of these bands, my souls repose. Your feeling fades when my feeling flows. Black coffee death, red eyes like Seth. Ominous outcomes engaged in theft. Truth coiled deep in my guitar, the great spinning wheel is my lucky star. You've put me in the hole. You've buried me deep inside and skipped the funeral. I'm not letting go because, I still see you there. And death gives life to me , yeah death gives something maybe they will never see. is it good or is it bad? I'll never care. so what the fuck did I just do? My fever made me say what's true. And as days go by, you'll start to laugh. My heart is yours, there's no taking it back.
Valhalla 04:21
Enough, these walls can die. No more, I will not try. These fields breathe deep our bones, these words will carry me home. Goodnight, my dreams unknown. This test, I am alone. Its ok, because so are we. So it dies and we live free, to be. These Eyes have felt her love. Enough to make work of a poem from years ago, or maybe years down the road. Because this place, it was not my home. And our hearts have rightly flown. To live with Rays of Stars. And to bend between these bars, so far. And when, our children run. You'll breathe, your moon is my sun. We drive, through lie and tales, and my shoes, repel these nails. It's a ghost who calls my name, a sign beneath these flames. A doe in a buck's green sea, so they fly away from me. And i'll live, within these notes. and evolve from fear to hope. In the miles to Canada, and a trail to Valhalla. For us.
Roy Batty 02:51
What joy is in the rubric of the radio? I'm still alive, alive enough to hate it though. ooh like a blade, ooh like I've been walking on a line as paper thin as this disguise. I'll give it up, I'll give it up, I'll give it. This time the stakes are favoring the underdog. My fever breaks, fairweather friends are falling off. And in the end, and in, I've been letting go and doing what I knew I always would. My enemy, who chemically, was bleeding me and leading me on. Now I'm moving my feet with the street song. I'll give it up, I'll give it up. I'll give it up, I'll give it again. Because I'm in love with the way that you've weakened (me) I'll give it up, I'll give it up, I'll give it up, I'll give it again. I'm through with the way that you've weakened (me)
Butterflies rape the sound, that I lent you when you were down. I've been far from my home, and I call nothing my own. With the exception of my words, that make touch with nouns and verbs. Remember I was there a night ago? did you notice? Did you know what went on in my head? I'd prefer to leave things unsaid. And so this song is for my friends, not some girl I can't pretend, that I'm cool with everything. It's the breath I need to sing. It's just like when he died, and cops showed up, bearing bad news. I forgot, all the details, but they sucked, take my word it was fucked up. I swear.
I think I thought I saw you last week. You were stumbling down the street. Foes are the only friends. And I hope you got the message I sent. It says," Is this real? Is this real? Is this real? Because I want you now. I'm chiseling the mystery free. You should both come talk to me. It's a medicine with no relief, from the pain you seek to keep. Is this Real? I broke the altar in two. Is this real? My black becoming your blue. Is this real? I will be tied into you, because I want you now. Oh maybe no, oh I don't know, oh maybe so.
Float through the window, eyes on the victims while they sleep. Inside the veins of humans flows, the richest ale, the sweetest rose. You're dying in Deep River, no one will hear you scream. You're dying in Deep River, there's no price on a dream. Life is damp and filled with fear, I drop on the curbside every year. And though the daylight soon may shine, I'll choose to wait, to stay and dine. Because in all of the small towns, pigs eat first. And children, you know they sleep inside motels? I am, notorious for being back in my hometown.
Fallback 03:09
I'm starting to find happiness in these songs. I'm leaving behind emptiness, I should have all along. You were always right about that, sometimes I wish I never talked back but the past is the past. The fall makes me feel so good, just like I always knew it would, when you were my girl. I see it move, it's breaking off in front of me. I've got to react, there's no more time to coast comfortably. I'm glad that I have learned to face the world on my own. I think I've learned to face the world, on my own. On my own.
Buried Alive 02:41
I'm waiting for the right day, to fill this void the wrong way. But if you call me up drunk, to punish me, for playing music "doesn't pay the bills" I'm flying down the highway. If you talk to me gain, would you please call me by name? I can't wait this long again to see you, see you. If you talk to me again, would you please call me by name? I'm singing for the lonely, I'm screaming for the hungry. If I could just break free from the emptiness of bowing down to a system that wants me dead, I'm waiting for the right day. No bridge, No bridge, There's no bridge between me and you.
Yea you said so, but I never knew, how close it must've seemed to you. Skeletons in the closet screaming loud, "blue clouds never dissipate" Calling from new numbers every day, it's a glass house, I've seen it too. I've often stared in, never walked through. Sing a song for the renegades. Sing a song for the strong ones who die young. Write a book to regenerate. Bleed the canvas for everyone you've ever loved. So many nights you've talked me out of it. I saw the clock when it hit, three struck one. All the stories make me so sick, on this floating raft, I'll never see you again. All held victim years ago, with AOA (avenger of awry) on the same show. I was just home from Montana, I left alcohol behind there. That summer at the Tune Inn I found gods, we found the music that would keep us free, a sacred smile still haunts my memory. Your words like bloodhounds finding grace, I stayed away because I couldn't face cold facts like I knew you wanted to die, and my addiction seemed to justify. Those smells and sounds would have brought me back. It kills me that I wasn't strong enough, to conquer unreal fears of always falling off. I'll never see you again, not until I get there.
So tell me say, did you say what you wanted to? Do you feel better? Now I do. And in this temple my soul has died and grown. This life, it lies right to my face. It Puts me in my place. I'm a shell of what you believe in vain and in fear. The dawn is in every man. (every man and every woman a star) Banks of Elephant Island crawling yeah, I hear the echoes calling," Eyes be under thumbs of the jealousy and rage!" my guts bled out on this page. And if you ever want to taste the blood, I'll rock your head from the back and let you taste it. She undressed, I'm naked too. This world's refreshed, did you say what you wanted to? Do you feel better? Now I do. And in this Temple my soul has died and grown. This life, it lies right to my face, it puts me in my place, whatever hell can't hold is seeping from your eyes. The dawn is in every man. Riding home I could taste your cigarette, it felt like I was smoking. My girl called asking me if I had left. The spell cast was broken. It breaks my heart when I'm away from her, I work like a slave and my loved ones see me barely, it's not right, this can't be real. I feel strong today, and I refuse to be made a fool. I embrace your ridicule. I wish I was like you, easily amused. You buy every lie splashed in your face. You're content put in your place, but some of us broke free and we could never shut our eyes, once they are open. Off the rails, I think I know where you're going, I think I know where you're from and I think I know where you want to be. Beneath he veil, do you know what you're doing? I'm so tired of chanting, for the dead what is meant to be. So tell me, do you want to live ? Because I do, with you. So tell me, do you want to live? Because I'll reach out to lift you.


released October 12, 2018

All songs written and performed by Ryan Patrick White

Produced by Greg Thomas

Engineered by Greg Thomas and Chris Teti at Silver Bullet Studios

Mixed by Chris Teti and Greg Thomas

Mastered by Bill Henderson at Azimuth Mastering

Additional vocals by Jillian White

Additional vocals on "Is This Real?" by Anthony Didio

Electric guitar and digital sequencing by Greg Thomas

Piano on "All Held Victim" by James Thomas

Album cover photo taken by Chris Teti

"All Held Victim" dedicated to the memory of Dave Akin


all rights reserved



Ryan Patrick White Deep River, Connecticut

Avenger of Awry, Buried Dreams, Call it Arson, Canvas, Cast in Blood, Enraged Youth, For All it's Worth, Jagged Visions, Laid 2 Rest, Murmur, Stab You in the Head and Eat Your Face Off, Victimize, Whiskey Priest, Zero Hour

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